Sugar Added

Man Tag: 6 Quirks

November 16, 2008 5:19 pm Jason Observations

Joe McGregor has, in blogger parlance, “tagged” me. In accordance with long-standing forms of internet etiquette, I am obligated to reveal to you 6 quirks about myself. It will be hard to narrow it down to so few, but I’ll give it a shot.

1. I am gassy. You might think that this is less of a quirk and more of a common trait shared by males the world over. You’d be right, if that was the extent of it. My quirkiness lies not in the gaseousness per se, but rather in the various ways and means that I have devised to expel this gas in public situations without drawing undue attention to myself or assaulting the noses of those nearby. For example, did you ever consider, ladies, that when your date opened the car door for you he was actually granting himself a moment of gastric-pressure-relief as he ambled around to the driver’s side? Or have any of you wondered about a co-worker’s purpose when he got up from his desk, only to return a short time later having done nothing more than complete a circuit around the office? Perhaps he was looking for someone who was not at their desk. Perhaps not.

2. I make sound effects. Like in cartoons. For myself. (i.e. Taking a big bite out of a doughnut = Aaaammmp).

3. I sing songs. Again, you’re thinking, “Uh huh, we all do that,” or something along those lines. While I do, from time to time, sing the sorts of songs that normal people might sing (like California Dreamin‘ or Jingle Bells), I also sing my own brand of song. These songs emanate directly from my deranged subconscious mind. They pull lyrics from current situations, random household objects, strange animals such as wombats, road signs or other passing sights, and, if all else fails, they inevitably resort to poop references. I sing these songs at home, in the car, and, to my wife’s horror, in the office and other public places. Note: Due to the spontaneous nature of these songs, they cannot be requested. If you want to hear one, you’ll just have to start hanging out with the Carrs more often.

4. I love breakfast. A lot. If it comes down to being late, or eating breakfast, breakfast always wins. My preferred breakfast is cold cereal (generally a sugary one) with milk, orange juice (not from concentrate), and the newspaper on the side. I could go into milk amounts and the proper way to introduce still dry portions of the cereal into the milk, but I don’t think you want to know.

5. I hate seeing people in embarrassing/awkward social situations. This is why I hated the show Family Matters growing up, as well as most other sitcoms. I would rather watch someone get shot than see them show up at a high school dance with no pants.

6. I don’t care about sports. When I say ’sports’ I think you know that I’m talking about the kind of sports that most guys do care about. Pro sports. College sports. I like to play sports, but I don’t really care who won the game last night. I generally don’t even know who played. If you come up and ask me about the game I will smile and say something like, “Yeah. Man. That sure was a game, wasn’t it!?” Then you will say, “That call on Lewis in the third quarter was a travesty!” and I will say, “Seriously!” even though I don’t know who Lewis is or what team he’s on. I do this because I’m your friend and friends act interested in things their friends care about. And because if I said, “Who’s Lewis?” you’d look at me like I just ate a booger.

Thus concludes my Man Tag response. Normally I would now name several other people who would then be obligated to write their own quirky post. However, refusing to pass on internet memes is another of my quirks, and so I will refrain. If you want to write your own quirks list because you feel you could benefit from some self-reflection, just nominate yourself in the comments and we’ll pretend I tagged you.